I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
