It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
