This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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