...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
