I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
