Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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