It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My vagina just recognized that song.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize