Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
