life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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