I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The air was thick with penises
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
