Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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