I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
