It's Friday. Sex?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
