I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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