I bet he comes in French.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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