then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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