I'm drive I can fine osifer
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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