Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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