Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
