If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
