Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
