The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
They took my balls.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
