Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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