Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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