Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize