Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
