just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
