I want to make a zoo with you.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
