apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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