shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
