For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize