According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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