Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
