i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
