he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
