You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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