hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
