my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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