Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
