the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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