There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
