Someone shit on the floor
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
