Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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