The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize