Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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