So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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