MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
