Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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