Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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