he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize