The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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