we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
