Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize