he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
