I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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