Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
