Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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