I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
