Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My dick has a subreddit
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
