I'm eating all of the evidence.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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