ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
