In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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