Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I stole a fireplace last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
