yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
