a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sober January is a disaster.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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