do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
