Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
