wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize