I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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