Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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