just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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