If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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