I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
