I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
