Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
