how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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