everyone is single if you try hard enough
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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